Recent ideas, articles and learnings

Being “Held” When You Are On The Sharp End of Life

Greetings!

As January offers the green shoot of promise, met with the icy chill of procrastination, now is not the time to leap to harsh resolutions and sharp goals, but to begin holding space for yourself as you find your footing.

The New Year New You schtick is a stick to beat our psyches and cellulite with.

You know, I can only speak for myself, but I am looking for things to get easier and better not painful and punitive.

Life is hard right now for a lot of people. I, for one, am still mired in shock and grief, seven months after my partner of 30 years passed away. A new way of living has been thrust upon me and with it a whole new perspective on how to live and what I need to navigate it.

None of us are exempt from life’s downturns. Perhaps you are currently facing hardships or emotional maelstroms of your own? January can be a tough time of year but life too has its seasons and some seasons need protective cover.

When I was younger I wanted to be seen (outrageous dress clothing a shy introvert), then I wanted to be heard (became a columnist on two newspapers) and now, soft drum roll, I want to be “held”.

Held Not On Hold

When life is full of sharps and blasts and you feel raw – a sort of “life tartare”, if you will – holding space for yourself becomes essential. Succour and solace are what is needed. If this concept is new to you, let me break it down.

Holding space for yourself is:

• Not about being fixed, lifted, distracted or entertained
• It is the relief of not having to perform competence
• It is a primal need to feel “safe” and understood
• It is the tenderness of being witnessed by others
• It’s showing yourself deep compassion
• It is a permission

It’s Not Woo It’s About You

Neuroscience tells us humans are wired for co-regulation and we sync with those around us. So, finding a calm person or quiet community can help lower activity in the amygdala (the brain’s threat detector) and can help us feel safe and peaceful.

We all know a lovely long hug works wonders on our oxytocin levels, but a pair of strong arms are not always on standby to scoop us up. So, here are a few things that work for me that might help you feel “held” when you are in need of comfort and kindness.

• A long bath with a good book
• Swimming
• A heated throw or weighted blanket
• Sitting quietly with a wise friend
• Comfort food
• Deep breaths
• Tea in bed

The body needs time to remember the ancient truth that even as adults we need soothing. We can strive, survive and hopefully thrive but sometimes when life is hard and pressing, we just need to cup ourselves in comfort and care. There is no shame. The courageous know that a need for a cuddle is a call to arms

Fancy a chat? – book a free 30 minute call with me.