Recent ideas, articles and learnings

All You Can Eat Integrity (Pick What Suits You)

In writing the CV of your life would you be truly honest about your skills and talents? Apart from making a mean chilli sauce and cutting a great rug to “Tainted Love” would you add in that you were well practised in being unreliable, your targets of not “showing up” were always met and a top scorer in the self-ghosting league?

It used to be that integrity was a great solid thing people relied on; a bit like an old oak table in the middle of the family home. It was something to lean on and trust that it was always there. Now it’s more of a moveable feast, a running buffet of pick and mix (don’t say picky bits -please!) depending on the situation or get-out clause needed at the time.

Building Integrity Starts With Yourself

Training coaches at the Pure Coaching Academy we have a module devoted to defining Values. During this process the value of Integrity is a popular choice. It means being true, honest, trustworthy and reliable. It also means building integrity with yourself first.

It means being your word.

Being ‘in integrity’ is like world peace, a flat stomach and a healthy bank balance, something we all aspire to. It feels good to be that person that others trust and rely on. To be the go-to guy/girl, the fixer, the guru, the sage, The Dude.

But often the biggest casualty of the Integrity Buffet is ourselves.

Here are some examples of how not to build integrity:

• Setting break-neck deadlines to deliver, to look good, but you will inevitably fall short of
• Saying yes to events you will drop out of with the excuse that you “double booked”
• Procrastinating over bills, difficult conversations, ending a relationship or starting that new venture (even though you told everyone you would)
• Not using the gym membership, returning calls, leaving things unfinished
• Saying “I’m done doing that” and then doing it again days later.

We ghost and gaslight ourselves with micro excuses and false promises and let ourselves down saying we will do things we know we won’t, more in benign hope than practical reality.

The thing is, it gets bad when we think we can take the hit of not following through, not being our word and being someone, (well sorry but here it is) that we don’t entirely trust.

The bottom line is we start to lose faith in ourselves.

Coach and author Mark Manson said that an “underrated cheat code in life is being incredibly reliable”. Cloak and superhero Lycra – not needed.

Simple Building Integrity Boosters

• Show up on time
• Do what you say you will (the rest is hot air, wishful thinking or BS)
• Own your mistakes
• Be realistic with what you can do
• Have strong boundaries with yourself
• Be honest even when it may discomfort others
• Don’t take on things you can/won’t or don’t like to do – in order to look good
• Own up and show up
• Deliver

The payback? You feel more confident in yourself, you will know your limits, you feel authentic and your energy soars. Building integrity means no more masking, excusing and trying to perform being a “good person”; you will be one. You will like and trust you.

Being “in” integrity means doing what you say you will do. It means being your word. If you are not your word then the question is – who are you?

Let’s chat.